I recently finished reading (speed reading, really) “Not Nice” by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. It is about stopping people pleasing, speaking up, being bolder. One particular concept strongly resonated with me – that not everyone will like you or what you do.
In his book, Dr. Gazipura recounts a session with a patient where he asks them to imagine out of a group of 100 people how many would like them. The answer the doctor ultimately gives them? 62.
“That’s right. Sixty-two people would like you… No I’m just kidding, I have no way of knowing and neither do you!” “The number could be forty, or fifty, or sixty-two, or eight-seven. But it is highly probable that it will not be one hundred.”
And that’s so true. I may joke and say “everybody loves a panda” (referring to myself) but it simply isn’t true. Never will be. Not everyone will like me, nor what I believe, nor what I do.
Dr. Gazipura continues: “The truth is, we don’t have control of whether people like us or not. The only thing we have control over is how fully we show up.”
And then, a page later, Dr. Aziz recounts how he embraced the concept of “I’m not for everybody.” He writes: “Then it hit me. It’s not just that my coaching and teachings are not for everybody. I’m not for everybody…. Some people would love what I was doing, and some would not. That’s OK; I’m not for everybody…. Let this sweet message settle into your subconscious. Repeat it often…. let yourself experience the freedom that comes from letting others have the dignity of their own perceptions, beliefs, ideas, reactions and judgements, without needing to convince or control them in any way.”
It’s a liberating concept, don’t you think? But then again, if you don’t… I’m not for everybody.